4 posts tagged “respect”
Warning: The following post is rated PG-13, and it's pretty flaming angry.
OK people, I know this is an extremely controversial subject. But that's the reason I'm writing about it now. It's controversial because people don't like to talk about it. We suppress it and try to hide it, or we sugar-coat it and resort to euphemisms. Or, worst of all, we try to validate it and prove that it's "evolutionary", it's just a fact of life which we have to accept.
It's wrong. It thrives in fear and humiliation. Hiding it only strengthens the damage it can do, and if everyone were open and refused to tolerate it, like so many other acts of hate or injustice, it would defeated.
It infuriates me. I'm referring to sexual violence.
Sexual violence is predominately a feminist issue because it affects mainly women. Yes, I know that it is possible for a man to be assaulted by a woman (or another man, which is actually more common), and in recent years the number of harassed men is on the rise. But, statistics show that women make up 78% of victims, and 1 in 4 women in the US has been sexually assaulted at one point in her life. Some see the rise in male victims as an "evening of the field" (therefore a good thing), but this is not helping to solve the problem in any way. Don't you think the number of female victims should be going down instead?
Sexual harassment (weather it's in schools, workplaces, or randomly on the streets) is usually merely "ignored" i.e. tolerated. Most women are afraid to confront the harasser directly, or to report the harassment to someone. Anyone. It's practically taken for granted these days. This is wrong.
Sexual abuse (usually occurring in schools, workplaces, or homes) is rarely reported. The scary statistics say: the most likely place for a woman to be sexually assaulted is in her own home, by someone she knows.
Sexual assault or rape is a violent crime. And it's possibly the least reported crime there is. Only 1 in 5 women ever report being assaulted to the police. The way I see it, sex is too often associated with dominance and violence. Rape, as a crime, has become way too socially acceptable. It should be a crime as unthinkable as cannibalism.
Prevention is more effective than treatment. Even if the attack is reported, and the perpetrator is caught and punished, it still happened. The victim will have to live with it everyday for the rest of her life. Too often she's the subject of remarks like "You should have been more careful..." or even "You were asking for it." Do not blame the victim! No one ever asks to be raped! The guy should never have attacked her in the first place! All over the country - in dojos, health clubs and church basements - we offer self-defense classes where women and girls can learn to fight for their lives. How about some classes to teach men and boys respect for other Human Beings?!
I would never exprobate self defense measures, but I can't help but point out that they are not adressing or solving the true problem of socially acceptable violence.
In closing, I highly recommend the book Speak, by Laurie Halse Anderson, and the movie based on it (which was excellently done). I also recommend openness, respect and zero tolerance toward violence - the only things that can truly solve this problem.
peace.
It's wrong. It thrives in fear and humiliation. Hiding it only strengthens the damage it can do, and if everyone were open and refused to tolerate it, like so many other acts of hate or injustice, it would defeated.
It infuriates me. I'm referring to sexual violence.
Sexual violence is predominately a feminist issue because it affects mainly women. Yes, I know that it is possible for a man to be assaulted by a woman (or another man, which is actually more common), and in recent years the number of harassed men is on the rise. But, statistics show that women make up 78% of victims, and 1 in 4 women in the US has been sexually assaulted at one point in her life. Some see the rise in male victims as an "evening of the field" (therefore a good thing), but this is not helping to solve the problem in any way. Don't you think the number of female victims should be going down instead?
Sexual abuse (usually occurring in schools, workplaces, or homes) is rarely reported. The scary statistics say: the most likely place for a woman to be sexually assaulted is in her own home, by someone she knows.
Sexual assault or rape is a violent crime. And it's possibly the least reported crime there is. Only 1 in 5 women ever report being assaulted to the police. The way I see it, sex is too often associated with dominance and violence. Rape, as a crime, has become way too socially acceptable. It should be a crime as unthinkable as cannibalism.
Prevention is more effective than treatment. Even if the attack is reported, and the perpetrator is caught and punished, it still happened. The victim will have to live with it everyday for the rest of her life. Too often she's the subject of remarks like "You should have been more careful..." or even "You were asking for it." Do not blame the victim! No one ever asks to be raped! The guy should never have attacked her in the first place! All over the country - in dojos, health clubs and church basements - we offer self-defense classes where women and girls can learn to fight for their lives. How about some classes to teach men and boys respect for other Human Beings?!
I would never exprobate self defense measures, but I can't help but point out that they are not adressing or solving the true problem of socially acceptable violence.
In closing, I highly recommend the book Speak, by Laurie Halse Anderson, and the movie based on it (which was excellently done). I also recommend openness, respect and zero tolerance toward violence - the only things that can truly solve this problem.
peace.
This is where my mini series comes to a close, because honestly, there's not much left to say. The previous segments covered all the most demanding factors of Eating with People Who Don't Eat Exactly What You Eat. Now I'll simply address two slightly less hazardous positions to be in: the omnivore guest, and the herbivore host.
Please excuse my obsessive need for closure, I promise I'll get back to posting more interesting topics after this!
Part 3 - The Omnivore Guest
How to Eat with a Party of Mainly Herbivores
(These tips are all numbered 1, because they are all equally important.)
1. If you know that the company you will be in is predominantly vegetarian/vegan/fruitarian/raw-foodist, brace yourself for some unusual cuisine. This is not the time to be picky, be open to trying new things. (If you don't know the dietary preferences of the people you'll be eating with until you actually arrive, then you'll have to adopt this attitude rather quickly.)
1. Don't enter the situation with a chip on your shoulder, just because you're the only one in the room who eats animal products.
1. Be aware that the herbivores may occasionally drop derogatory remarks about the things you eat, weather they're aware of your diet or not. Just keep in mind that they shouldn't be criticizing you specifically, and constantly jumping to the defense of an omnivorous diet will not make you very popular. If possible, let them know that you do eat animal products and if they're polite they'll avoid denouncing meat in your presence.
1. In return, don't denounce their diet either. It may be hard to take the anti-meat mood (if there is one), but don't get hyper-defensive. Note: This is part of being a minority. You may not be used to it (but your hosts probably are). You have to remain calm and respectful no matter what.
1. Don't bring meat to a vegetarian/vegan pot luck. No one will laugh, trust me.
Part 4 - The Herbivore Host
How to Accommodate Omnivores
1. If you invite someone who eats animal products to eat with you, let them know beforehand that the food will be all vegetarian/vegan/fruitarian/raw. (And make sure they don't have a soy allergy!)
1. If you're inviting other herbivores, let them know that they'll be in "mixed company" so they won't be unintentionally rude to the omnivore(s).
1. Try to offer plenty of familiar, traditionally animal-free dishes, in case your guest is resistant to trying new foods.
1. At the table, keep the conversation away from food and/or food politics.
1. Don't criticize or tease your guest for their diet, it will make them severely uncomfortable, especially if they're outnumbered.
Well, that's all folks. If I left anything out, please let me know so I can add it to the lists. And if you ever need help with this sort of thing, just check the lists again, that's what they're for!
peace.
Please excuse my obsessive need for closure, I promise I'll get back to posting more interesting topics after this!
Part 3 - The Omnivore Guest
How to Eat with a Party of Mainly Herbivores
(These tips are all numbered 1, because they are all equally important.)
1. If you know that the company you will be in is predominantly vegetarian/vegan/fruitarian/raw-foodist, brace yourself for some unusual cuisine. This is not the time to be picky, be open to trying new things. (If you don't know the dietary preferences of the people you'll be eating with until you actually arrive, then you'll have to adopt this attitude rather quickly.)
1. Don't enter the situation with a chip on your shoulder, just because you're the only one in the room who eats animal products.
1. Be aware that the herbivores may occasionally drop derogatory remarks about the things you eat, weather they're aware of your diet or not. Just keep in mind that they shouldn't be criticizing you specifically, and constantly jumping to the defense of an omnivorous diet will not make you very popular. If possible, let them know that you do eat animal products and if they're polite they'll avoid denouncing meat in your presence.
1. In return, don't denounce their diet either. It may be hard to take the anti-meat mood (if there is one), but don't get hyper-defensive. Note: This is part of being a minority. You may not be used to it (but your hosts probably are). You have to remain calm and respectful no matter what.
1. Don't bring meat to a vegetarian/vegan pot luck. No one will laugh, trust me.
Part 4 - The Herbivore Host
How to Accommodate Omnivores
1. If you invite someone who eats animal products to eat with you, let them know beforehand that the food will be all vegetarian/vegan/fruitarian/raw. (And make sure they don't have a soy allergy!)
1. If you're inviting other herbivores, let them know that they'll be in "mixed company" so they won't be unintentionally rude to the omnivore(s).
1. Try to offer plenty of familiar, traditionally animal-free dishes, in case your guest is resistant to trying new foods.
1. At the table, keep the conversation away from food and/or food politics.
1. Don't criticize or tease your guest for their diet, it will make them severely uncomfortable, especially if they're outnumbered.
Well, that's all folks. If I left anything out, please let me know so I can add it to the lists. And if you ever need help with this sort of thing, just check the lists again, that's what they're for!
peace.
Ok people, time for round two. Can't you just feel the patience, the tolerance, the open-mindedness... who wants a hug? Anyone?
All right, herbivores, chances are you're more than used to dietary contestation. But that's no reason to forget common courtesy in the face of the occasional dogmatic steakaholic when they snort at your tofu. I know you have strong reasons for eating what you eat, but unfortunately not everyone appreciates them. You may be taken as a threat, so you have to take precautions to avoid offending anyone (too bad precautions are not always taken in return - for more info, see my previous post).
Once again, here you'll find no blaming or ridicule. Just a guide to keep everyone happy and, hopefully, well fed. As a vegan, it's hard not to be un-biased, but believe me, I'm trying. If any omnivores have things to add from the other side of the table, just let me know.
Part 2 - The Herbivore Guest
How to Eat with Omnivores (When You're Invited)
(These tips are all numbered 1, because they are all equally important.)
Preparation
1. When you are invited to eat with someone (or to an event where food will be served), find a way to inform the host of your dietary restrictions. Be extremely clear about what you do and do not eat.
1. If possible, offer to bring food of your own, or something to share.
1. If you will be eating at a restaurant, check the place out before hand and get a menu.
1. If you doubt there will be little or nothing for you to eat at the event, eat before hand so you at least won't be hungry.
At the Table
1. When people offer you something you don't eat, refuse it politely. When they ask why you're not eating it say simply "I'm a vegetarian/vegan." When they ask you why you're a vegetarian/vegan, tell them you'd prefer not to discuss it, as the subject tends to make people uncomfortable. Avoid discussing your reasons at the table at all costs (within the bounds of courtesy, of course - no screaming, or running out of the room, that would be (more) awkward).
1. Although it's tempting, avoid using phrasing like "I can't eat that", this undermines the core values of your diet, because the whole point is your conscious choice not to eat animal products. The word to use is "I don't eat that".
1. Sometimes it's easier to let people believe you're avoiding certain foods due to allergies. At least, people are almost always more sympathetic. But you're going to have to explain it to them eventually, so try to keep things less confusing by being very clear (and polite).
1. If someone persists in discussing your diet, despite your attempts to change the subject, you may have to answer some awkward questions. Whatever you do, do not react to rudeness. Even if they blatantly denounce the rights of animals or forecast your painful death by malnutrition, I repeat: do not react. Any heated disagreement will get you labeled as an offensive, self righteous salad-muncher, even if you were only defending yourself. So, always remain calm and respectful.
1. While we're on the subject, do not criticize what someone else is eating. Ever. This is rude.
1. Do not drop remarks like "meat is murder", or make faces at other people's food.
1. Do not act high and mighty.
1. Do not complain about how hard it is to be a vegetarian/vegan. This is your choice, remember?
1. Do not expect people to bend over backwards for you, get used to making due with what you can.
After Wards
1. Always remember to thank your hosts when they are considerate enough to provide animal-free food for you. I mean it, accommodating weird diets (be they allergen or principle related) is hard. Let people know you appreciate them for trying.
Coming up next: The omnivore guest.
peace.
All right, herbivores, chances are you're more than used to dietary contestation. But that's no reason to forget common courtesy in the face of the occasional dogmatic steakaholic when they snort at your tofu. I know you have strong reasons for eating what you eat, but unfortunately not everyone appreciates them. You may be taken as a threat, so you have to take precautions to avoid offending anyone (too bad precautions are not always taken in return - for more info, see my previous post).
Once again, here you'll find no blaming or ridicule. Just a guide to keep everyone happy and, hopefully, well fed. As a vegan, it's hard not to be un-biased, but believe me, I'm trying. If any omnivores have things to add from the other side of the table, just let me know.
Part 2 - The Herbivore Guest
How to Eat with Omnivores (When You're Invited)
(These tips are all numbered 1, because they are all equally important.)
Preparation
1. When you are invited to eat with someone (or to an event where food will be served), find a way to inform the host of your dietary restrictions. Be extremely clear about what you do and do not eat.
1. If possible, offer to bring food of your own, or something to share.
1. If you will be eating at a restaurant, check the place out before hand and get a menu.
1. If you doubt there will be little or nothing for you to eat at the event, eat before hand so you at least won't be hungry.
At the Table
1. When people offer you something you don't eat, refuse it politely. When they ask why you're not eating it say simply "I'm a vegetarian/vegan." When they ask you why you're a vegetarian/vegan, tell them you'd prefer not to discuss it, as the subject tends to make people uncomfortable. Avoid discussing your reasons at the table at all costs (within the bounds of courtesy, of course - no screaming, or running out of the room, that would be (more) awkward).
1. Although it's tempting, avoid using phrasing like "I can't eat that", this undermines the core values of your diet, because the whole point is your conscious choice not to eat animal products. The word to use is "I don't eat that".
1. Sometimes it's easier to let people believe you're avoiding certain foods due to allergies. At least, people are almost always more sympathetic. But you're going to have to explain it to them eventually, so try to keep things less confusing by being very clear (and polite).
1. If someone persists in discussing your diet, despite your attempts to change the subject, you may have to answer some awkward questions. Whatever you do, do not react to rudeness. Even if they blatantly denounce the rights of animals or forecast your painful death by malnutrition, I repeat: do not react. Any heated disagreement will get you labeled as an offensive, self righteous salad-muncher, even if you were only defending yourself. So, always remain calm and respectful.
1. While we're on the subject, do not criticize what someone else is eating. Ever. This is rude.
1. Do not drop remarks like "meat is murder", or make faces at other people's food.
1. Do not act high and mighty.
1. Do not complain about how hard it is to be a vegetarian/vegan. This is your choice, remember?
1. Do not expect people to bend over backwards for you, get used to making due with what you can.
After Wards
1. Always remember to thank your hosts when they are considerate enough to provide animal-free food for you. I mean it, accommodating weird diets (be they allergen or principle related) is hard. Let people know you appreciate them for trying.
Coming up next: The omnivore guest.
peace.
Humans are not a very complex species. We may take ourselves way too seriously and fight wars over insoluble subjects like religion, but when it comes down to it, we all have the same basic needs. Like food.
We can't convert sunlight into glucose and oxygen, we don't suck the nutrients out of decomposing organic matter (that would be gross), we eat.
Everybody gets to choose what they ingest based on likes and dislikes, food allergies, religious doctrines and/or personal moral convictions. Unfortunately, certain dietary practices often make those who don't adhere to them feel uncomfortable. For that reason I've decided to devote a series of posts to the subject of (drum roll, please): Eating With People Who Don't Eat Exactly What You Eat. What usually makes things so hard is not knowing how to accomodate guests with unusual diets. The most important thing to remember is - they are not challenging, questioning or criticizing you for what you eat. They are making a personal decision about what they eat. Don't feel threatened. You've done nothing wrong.
These posts are in no particular order, and I'm not singling anybody out. They're just meant as a guide to help everybody get along. No blaming, no lecturing. It's hard to be completely un-biased (as I am a vegan), but I'll do my best. Can anybody explain to me why food is such a touchy subject?
Part 1 - The Omnivore Host
How to Eat With Vegetarians and Vegans
(These tips are all numbered 1, because they are all equally important.)
Preparation
1. Before inviting anyone to eat with you, ask if they have any dietary restrictions, including allergies.
1. If they are a vegetarian/vegan, find out exactly what they do and do not eat, because this usually varies from person to person.
(Ova-lacto) Vegetarians do not eat meat (including fish), or things that contain gelatin.
Lacto-vegetarians still eat dairy, but do not eat eggs.
Vegans do not eat meat, eggs, dairy, things that contain gelatin and sometimes honey.
Fruitarians only eat fruits that can be harvested without killing the plant such as tomatos, avacados, nuts and sometimes grains.
Raw Foodists do not eat any processed or cooked food (food that has been heated over 116 degrees F).
1. If the meal's main dish will be meat, be sure to provide side dishes your guest can eat and tell them clearly what they are. I can't tell you how great it feels when a host is considerate enough to do this! (Note: If it is not possible to provide vegan/vegetarian food, tell your guest beforehand, maybe they can bring something of their own.)
1. Be very careful when checking the ingredients of prepared foods, animal ingredients are not always obvious. For this reason, it's usually best to keep things simple and stick with, well, vegetables.
1. Never try to slip animal ingredients into food without telling your guest. This is extremely rude and immature, and they will never trust you again.
At the Table
1. Do not (ever) discuss why your guest doesn't eat what you do at the table. I know it's hard to resist, but please wait until afterwards, when no one is eating. Talking about it over food really makes people uncomfortable, including the guest who has to explain.
1. Do not try to argue with your guest, or discredit the values of an animal-free diet. They've already made their choice, they aren't (or shouldn't be) trying to force it on you.
1. Do not lecture your guest on nutrition, or tell them how it's impossible to get enough protein without meat, or enough calcium without milk, or how they're eating to many carbs or whatever. Chances are, they've already done the research, and you're getting on their nerves. However, if you are truly interested in how they get all their vitamins, ask them later, politely.
1. Do not be (intentionally) rude and insult what your guest eats. "Ew, how can you eat that?" or "It looks like %$@&!" etc. They may be just as grossed out by what you eat, but if they're considerate (not everyone is) they won't mention it.
1. Do not be overly apologetic. I can say from experience, this is very embarrassing and often worse than being downright rude. Don't apologize for eating meat in their presence, or feel guilty about enjoying your food. They already know you eat different things, and that's ok, they're just there to spend time with you!
It all comes down to R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Respect people's choices and they should respect your's too. A little planning ahead can make everyone's life a lot easier. My next post will be from the other perspective: how to behave as a courteous vegan/vegetarian guest. Till then!
peace.
We can't convert sunlight into glucose and oxygen, we don't suck the nutrients out of decomposing organic matter (that would be gross), we eat.
Everybody gets to choose what they ingest based on likes and dislikes, food allergies, religious doctrines and/or personal moral convictions. Unfortunately, certain dietary practices often make those who don't adhere to them feel uncomfortable. For that reason I've decided to devote a series of posts to the subject of (drum roll, please): Eating With People Who Don't Eat Exactly What You Eat. What usually makes things so hard is not knowing how to accomodate guests with unusual diets. The most important thing to remember is - they are not challenging, questioning or criticizing you for what you eat. They are making a personal decision about what they eat. Don't feel threatened. You've done nothing wrong.
These posts are in no particular order, and I'm not singling anybody out. They're just meant as a guide to help everybody get along. No blaming, no lecturing. It's hard to be completely un-biased (as I am a vegan), but I'll do my best. Can anybody explain to me why food is such a touchy subject?
Part 1 - The Omnivore Host
How to Eat With Vegetarians and Vegans
(These tips are all numbered 1, because they are all equally important.)
Preparation
1. Before inviting anyone to eat with you, ask if they have any dietary restrictions, including allergies.
1. If they are a vegetarian/vegan, find out exactly what they do and do not eat, because this usually varies from person to person.
(Ova-lacto) Vegetarians do not eat meat (including fish), or things that contain gelatin.
Lacto-vegetarians still eat dairy, but do not eat eggs.
Vegans do not eat meat, eggs, dairy, things that contain gelatin and sometimes honey.
Fruitarians only eat fruits that can be harvested without killing the plant such as tomatos, avacados, nuts and sometimes grains.
Raw Foodists do not eat any processed or cooked food (food that has been heated over 116 degrees F).
1. If the meal's main dish will be meat, be sure to provide side dishes your guest can eat and tell them clearly what they are. I can't tell you how great it feels when a host is considerate enough to do this! (Note: If it is not possible to provide vegan/vegetarian food, tell your guest beforehand, maybe they can bring something of their own.)
1. Be very careful when checking the ingredients of prepared foods, animal ingredients are not always obvious. For this reason, it's usually best to keep things simple and stick with, well, vegetables.
1. Never try to slip animal ingredients into food without telling your guest. This is extremely rude and immature, and they will never trust you again.
At the Table
1. Do not (ever) discuss why your guest doesn't eat what you do at the table. I know it's hard to resist, but please wait until afterwards, when no one is eating. Talking about it over food really makes people uncomfortable, including the guest who has to explain.
1. Do not try to argue with your guest, or discredit the values of an animal-free diet. They've already made their choice, they aren't (or shouldn't be) trying to force it on you.
1. Do not lecture your guest on nutrition, or tell them how it's impossible to get enough protein without meat, or enough calcium without milk, or how they're eating to many carbs or whatever. Chances are, they've already done the research, and you're getting on their nerves. However, if you are truly interested in how they get all their vitamins, ask them later, politely.
1. Do not be (intentionally) rude and insult what your guest eats. "Ew, how can you eat that?" or "It looks like %$@&!" etc. They may be just as grossed out by what you eat, but if they're considerate (not everyone is) they won't mention it.
1. Do not be overly apologetic. I can say from experience, this is very embarrassing and often worse than being downright rude. Don't apologize for eating meat in their presence, or feel guilty about enjoying your food. They already know you eat different things, and that's ok, they're just there to spend time with you!
It all comes down to R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Respect people's choices and they should respect your's too. A little planning ahead can make everyone's life a lot easier. My next post will be from the other perspective: how to behave as a courteous vegan/vegetarian guest. Till then!
peace.
